The Investment Dar - 2008 Results English Language Version

Director ([in Japanese, to the interpreter): "The translation is very important, O.K.? The translation."

Interpreter (in Japanese, to the director): "Yes, of course. I understand."

Director (in Japanese, to Bob):  "Mr. Bob. You are sitting quietly in your study. And then there is a bottle of Suntory whisky on top of the table. You understand, right? With wholehearted feeling, slowly, look at the camera, tenderly, and as if you are meeting old friends, say the words. As if you are Bogie in Casablanca, saying, "Here's looking at you, kid," -- Suntory time!"

Interpreter (In English, to Bob): "He wants you to turn, look in camera. O.K.?"

Bob:  "Is that all he said?"

TID released an English language press release on its 2008 performance on NasdaqDubai today.

In  reading  last night's Arabic press release, we at Suq al Mal had been so impressed that we relegated Gulf Finance House and Dr. Esam Janahi to second place behind TID and Mr. AlMusallam for their unbelievable performance.  Post and analysis here.  

In reading today's English version, we're disappointed.  Like the translator's poor effort in the quote above, TID's English language press release has come up a bit short in critical areas.  Frankly, if this sort of effort appeared in Arabic, it wouldn't even qualify for the finals.  The very soul of yesterday's performance has been lost in translation.

Luckily for TID and Mr. Al Musallam, our awards are based on the performance in Arabic.  However,  in the interest of fairness, in light of GFH's good showing in English our  Board  has added another category to Suq Al Mal's Academy Awards for Best Performance in a Private Sector Financial Comedy.  And the winners are!

1. Best Performance:  The Investment Dar starring Adnan Al Musallam
2. Best Foreign Language Performance:  Gulf Finance House starring Dr. Esam Janahi

We'll be holding the formal award ceremony at the Burj Khalifa  later this year.  Timing is currently uncertain pending the resolution of two issues.  

First, the selection process for other awards is proceeding slowly.  Competition  over the 2008 - 2009 period was particularly intense.

With two strong candidates from Saudi Arabia, Suq Al Mal's distinguished panel of judge (AA) is having a hard time coming up with a winner for Best Performance in a Financial Drama.

And how to choose from the equally strong cadre of qualified contestants for Most Embarrassed National Regulator?  If our current plans come to fruition, Alan Greenspan will personally present that award. Right now I'm about 70% sure he'll be there.  And, frankly, it's hard to do better than that.  Just ask the Maestro.

Or Outstanding Kuwaiti Investment Bank of the Year?  And how does one weight the factors?  The size of the loss.  The absolute amount looted from the shareholders.  The refusal to recognize reality.  The most absurd press release.

Best Supporting Performance in a Financial Looting? 

Most Urnrealistically Optimistic Financial Analyst?  Most Fawning Journalist?

And two new categories this year.  Most Absurd Investment.  And  Most Compelling Performance by a Non Core Asset.

And we have the usual awards to recognize overall contributions made to the industry like the Bernie Madoff Lifetime Achievement Award.  The Parmalat Creative Accounting Award.   The Arthur Anderson Professional Accounting Medal.  The Enron Board Corporate Governance Award.

Nominations are still open so send in the names of your favorite candidates by way of a post here.

Second, funding.

An event like this requires spending if it's to be done right.  We'll need to charter an A380. (AA always travels in style when someone else pays).  Then there's the staff accommodations at the Burj AlArab (We'll want suites in the new wing!  Last time I stayed the main flat screen TV didn't work properly.  And the toilet made an awful noise).  The media   -  a live broadcast on MBC or LBC?  Perhaps both?  I definitely want Amr Adeeb as the celebrity host along with Ahmad.  For presenters,  I've already sent a formal request to the authorities in Bahrain and Saudi to ask if they can temporarily lift the travel ban on certain individuals who may be contestants or even presenters.  Or both.  For entertainment - Muhammad Abdo, Fairouz, perhaps Kathem AlSaher.  And since we're an international competition - Britney Spears to lip synch the Kawkab's "AlAtlal" which is the internationally recognized theme song of the pageant. 

You're probably wondering how we'll raise the money.  I've already sent out the RFP to local and international banks for a zero coupon perpetual bond.   And an Islamic tranche - Qard Hassan - for those with a preference for Shari'ah compliant financing. While the structure is designed to eliminate the risk of non payment, I'd note that Shaykh Khalifa has not formally announced that he isn't standing behind this security.  So there is a guarantee of sorts as well on the transaction.  And an automatic entry for the successful lender in next year's "Wise Lender/Investor" competition.