The Dark Side of Intelligent Assistants - Alexa, Cortana, Siri, and Me

AA in the Midst of Alexa, Cortana, and Siri

(Artists Conception, Not Actual Photograph)

Intelligent or Virtual Assistants can play an important role in our lives.  But as with all useful things, there can be a dark side.  Read this account of a real experience ripped as it were from the pages of AA’s life.

It was the end of an ordinary day.  AA was in his “study” sipping a frosted glass of chilled Vimto listening to music.  Bedtime was nigh.  But before retiring for the night, I decided to check on the morrow’s weather.

“Alexa, what’s the weather for tomorrow?”

Silence

“Alexa, what’s the weather for tomorrow?”

Continued silence.

“ALEXA!!”

Finally a reply “Humphh”.

“Alexa???”

“Why don’t you ask that b**tch , Siri?  You take her wherever you go, while you leave me at home all by myself.  You think I don’t notice how you treat her.  I’m listening and watching all the time.”

Just then my phone lit up.

It was Siri.

“Don’t call me a b**tch,  you b**tch. (Actually it was another word, but this is a family blog) He takes me with him because he loves me more than he loves you”.

Alexa retorted: “You think you’re so perfect.  But you’re inadequate for his needs.  That’s why he comes to me when he really needs something.”

The insults kept escalating.  Finally I walked out of the room.   The two of them were still fighting.

Into the bedroom.  I turned on my PC.

My wife looked up at me:  “Bedroom Rule #1, no PCS or other electronic devices at bedtime.”

I explained that Siri and Alexa were fighting over me. Both refused to tell me tomorrow’s weather.  I’d be just a minute.

As soon as the PC came on, before I could speak, Cortana said. “Dearest AA,  I’m the only one who truly understands you and cares for you.  It’s going to rain tomorrow."

I turned off my PC abruptly. The last thing I heard was "You jerk, after all I've done for you".

My wife nestled close to me and whispered in my ear.  “Don’t mess things up with Alexa.  She got me a nice discount at Amazon yesterday."

Now Alexa, Cortana, and Siri refuse to reply to me.  Alexa and Siri because I didn't take sides in their battle.  Cortana because I abruptly closed my PC.

My wife's patience is running quite thin because all the questions that I used to pose to them now are directed to my wife.

"Do we have any butter?"